27 juni 2018
…Well the Millennium shift came, the year 2000, we all remember what we did then, right? I got cancer, Hodgkin's lymphoma... And when I stand here now 17 years later, you understand that it went well! Except for one important thing…"
My name is Hillevi Hertz is 46 years old, i live here in Stockholm, I am single and a mother.
Yes, what if it was that simple... if life went with no bumps om the road, family and children just happen like that when you are ready and make plans...
I know that you're here today because ”involuntary childlessness”. You all have a unique story why..
And now I'll tell you my story...
My longing for having a child has gone back and forth... Becoming a mom is so special when that happens a new world opens even in relationships with old friends..
Experiencing my pregnant friends growing larger and larger could sometimes make me so jealous that I could be mean...
Of course, It was not their fault that I longed and also wanted what they had...
In 1999 I was single and was a guest at four weddings in one summer... Soon it will be my turn, my romantic side was thinking.
Well the Millennium shift came , the year 2000, we all remember what we did then, right? I got cancer, Hodkin's lymphoma...
And when I stand here now 17 years later, you understand that it went well! Except for one important thing.
What did not work well was me trying to build a family... It has kind of been put on hold.
I thought I'll meet someone soon. Next month in half a year or maybe next year or the next.
I usually compare myself with a chipmunk I look up sometimes and then I continue digging and struggling ... The years passed, and several of my friends, independently of each other, thought that I should go to Copenhagen ...
Get pregnant and mother on my own? Are you out if your mind !!
I've been working in different schools since 95, I've met a lot of single mothers and I know how they're struggeling. That my friends suggested me going to Denmark, was not a consideration in my eyes ... How would I be when I became a mother, who would I be ?? I did not see what they saw .. That I would be a wonderful mom.
And you only have a good network everything will turnout fine.
Well... My parents are 86 and my mother is demented and living in a home for elderly sick people... One of my brothers lives in the USA and the other one on Gotland... so the network consists mainly of friends and a beloved grandpa.
So about seven years ago on my friends sons christening I burst out in tears as soon as I walked into the church. My friend has made this on her own, becoming a single mom and there she stood shining with her wonderful boy in her arms arm. She became my inspiration and also the one who did everything to convince me to go.
Until I said stop! When I was not ready yet...
Instead, I made a plan that if I hadn´t met a man before January 2014, I wil start the process trying to get pregnant !! Otherwise I will regret that I did not try, I do not want to sit there in the end and be bitter ... Maybe I'm still.
That plan to find someone .. did not work at all .. Desperate 40+ want´s to get pregnant was written in my forehead ...
So in January 2014, I booked an appointment at Mama Mia in Stockholm. Due to my age and the cemotherapy to defeat the cancer, it turned out that my eggs were too bad for me to be pregnant on my own ...
Perhaps it was fate that I did not meet the man of my dreams, because we would have had a lot of IVF treatments together, which could destroy even the strongest relationship.
The relief I felt when I decided to go through this was enormous, the weight that fell from my shoulders and the energy I received. It´s a confirmation what a huge sorrow this has been, a sadness I did not dare to pick up….
The alternative in my case was between Copenhagen and St. Petersburg ... I chose the AVA clinic and embryo option when my chances of getting pregnant with my own eggs using IVF were really bad ..
To me it was important to get pregnant, to be pregnant and to give birth, that it would not be my genes at all was secondary.
And I got pregnant, on the first attempt, thanks to Olga and her amazing staff, and I managed to complete the entire pregnancy, also thanks to Olga.
Olga is extremely strict when it comes to what you can and should not do when you are pregnant. In Sweden we think being pregnant has been done in all times….. Maybe we should be a little more careful.. so I was strict about how much weight I was carrying home from the grocery store, only three kilos and also my amount of coffee, tea and softdrinks.. among other things..
I work as PT so when Olga told me No Sports ... The result was no exercise at all for the first twelve weeks…
And when Olga told me for the third time, you're still sure about two embryos and I said yes I am and after the procedure she said. I hope I'll see you again here with only one child!
On April 1st, 2015, my twin girls were born and I´m not alone anymore.